1. If you date men, you are always in potentially fatal danger. Be aware.
2. Make certain, before you even consider a date, that your partner is FULLY aware of your status and is not significantly bothered by it. Never date anyone who does not know about you.
3. Be aware that in our society, men who are secure enough to accept you are rare. there are predators who attack transsexuals, confused sorts who seek to use and then punish transsexuals, and those who try to be accepting but fail, often violently.
4. Be honest, be aware, and be very, very cautious.
5. Some men may only like you because of your transsexuality, and may find you uninteresting post-operatively. Be sure of the attractions that occur.
It is not all dark, but you will have
to search more carefully, and be more aware, than nontranssexual women.
Even with all the above, know that it is possible to find caring partners
and loving friends.
Most, if not all of the dangerous issues revolve around sexual and gender insecurities. These insecurities are not dangerous in the transsexual, they are very dangerous in nontranssexuals.
Our culture still
has a lot of bigotry and mindless hatred in it, and much of this evil comes
from religious origins.
This last requirement is the basic reason behind homosexuality being made into a crime and an Evil. More babies means more tribe members. More tribe members means more ability to conquer and convert. Homosexuality produces fewer babies than heterosexuality. It cannot be tolerated by a belief system bent on domination.
You may be a woman,
but be you pre-op or post-op, the social stigma of ever possessing a penis
is there. If you date a man, those old Judeo-Christian issues in our western
society kick in, and problems can occur. Sometimes these problems can be
As for the pre-op transsexual, then all possibility of a clear answer becomes lost. Is a pre-op a woman, a man, a woman in some ways, a man in others? To the average, simple mind, the result is paradox, confusion, and the destruction of neat, tidy categories and labels. It is hard to believe in religious prohibitions when reality itself shows the limits of them. If the word of god is so limited, so meaningless, the universe itself becomes upset for some folks. They find themselves adrift, without answers, forced to think, perhaps for the very first time. They begin to question themselves and their place in the universe, they are filled with nagging doubts.
Scared, confused people can be very dangerous. They can become violent, they can kill.
Far too many transsexuals have been murdered by men that just could not handle the issues they were forced to confront, the doubt they felt, the insecurity they suffered, or the 'Truth' that came tumbling down.
Sometimes the conflict is so severe, that men become convinced that the only way to restore their lost faith is to destroy that which caused it to be questioned. Such men deliberately seek out transsexuals to punish, humiliate, control, or harm them.
These same issues can also lead to other reactions besides murder. Some people are attracted to the forbidden and the rejected, and find it exciting. Such folks will find you desirable only as long as you fit this category.
Other folks try very hard to accept the transsexual, but fail at the task, because the conflict between what they were raised to believe, and what they want to be accepting about, is too much. In the end, sometimes the original 'Truth' wins out, especially because society supports it.
In all cases,
the root cause of this nastiness is fear and instilled hatred of homosexuality,
and this comes from only one place, religion. It is pervasive in our culture,
because our culture is steeped in Judeo-Christian values and beliefs.
If what matters is identity, is the mind and the heart, then you are a heterosexual woman with very standard desires.
If all that matters is the birth shape of the skin, in the past, present ot future, then you are an altered gay man experiencing homosexual desires.
If all that matters is the current cut of the skin, then a pre-op is a gay man and a post-op is a straight woman.
If the transsexual is considered a unique creature, a 'third sex', then all definitions become moot...perhaps being some shade of bisexual might come closest.
The problem is that, however you may define yourself, others will create definitions of their own over which you have little or no control.
What you must
do is to be conscious of this, and determine what you want, and what you
are willing to do, accept and teach, to get what you want. You must also
be aware of the very real dangers involved.
I know of such
relationships personally, and am even involved in one: in my polyamory,
or group marriage, one of my spouses is male. But it does take a little
more effort and searching than the nontranssexual woman must face.
The key is to be selectively 'Out', to carefully choose who to tell and when and why. This is something the individual transsexual must be in control of, if at all possible.
must be evaluated on it's own merits, but there is a general rule of thumb
Why? because 93.7 percent of all violent crime, on the planet earth, is committed by men. Women just do not commit violent crimes even faintly as often. Women do not rape, murder, kill for hate, fag bash, mutilate, dismember, shoot, eviscerate, disembowel or torture unto death nearly as often as men do.
I will not bother with a discussion of the possible reasons for this, suffice to say that in the debate all sides are correct: the reasons are cultural, biological, genetic, and social all at the same time. Why this is true is not important.
What is important is that it is true,
across the globe, in every society, everywhere. Even if violence is all
but nonexistent, what violence there is will follow this statistic. Learn
the one thing all women must:
Even more extreme, the status of being transsexual, even post-op, put one at a greater risk than that of nontranssexual woman.
Save your own life. Be up front, be
'Out' to any prospective male date.
Perhaps in time, but in general, the issues there are more about rejection and social bigotry, rather than physical violence and death or dismemberment. Your author identifies as being primarily lesbian, or if you prefer, a 'polarized bisexual': dedicated to reducing reflected glare off of sexual surfaces.
Although this may be a terribly politically incorrect thing to say, because of the vastly smaller risk of getting dead or mutilated, it is reasonably safe to date with women without outing ones self, until the relationship reaches the point of sexual involvement.
Because one is less likely to be killed, one can hope to become close friends first, before revealing the Big Secret, if one is living in secrecy of any degree.
The value of doing this is simple: it increases slightly the odds of being considered a human being, and therefore also increases the possibility of not being immediately dismissed out of bigotry, political dogma, ignorance, or blind, mindless hatred.
Because women are less likely to disembowel you for being a transsexual, you have a chance to escape having to suffer outing yourself immediately.
You have a chance to be seen, for a while at least, as something other than a politically unacceptable Frankenstein monster.
This may be enough time to cut through
the bigotry and be truly seen.
What I suggest that you do is to be aware of the dangers and issues, but also realize that they are indicative of probabilities. It is very possible for you to find joy and and love, it is just my intent that you live long enough to find them.
Be smarter than those who would harm you, and you have the edge. Be aware of the very real dangers, and select carefully, mindful of your own precious safety.
The concerns for the MTF transsexual woman are a bit more severe than for the nontranssexual woman, but not insurmountable.
Keep your wits sharp and be careful