I live now, however, in San Diego with my fiance, who does not know
about this part of me...I'm attempting to sort out whether I get these
sexual needs met on the side or continue to try to rid myself or these
desires and live a totally monogamous and heterosexual life.

Well, don't know if you expected all that, but it felt good to get it
out..
 

SHEENA OOK Replies:
*sigh*  and here i was trying to be a sex object and nothing more *ust idding*.  but as you've reached out to me, i can't deny you any words of advice orcomfort and helpful commentary i may have...   so let me put on my geniuscap and we'll discuss a few things, 'kay?  :-)

I guess I'm trying (though somewhat unsuccessfully )  to deal with my
attraction to transexuals...

well, as a member of the group of forbidden folks you find so attractive,
i can only guess as to *your* motivations.  are you attracted to taboo in
general?  is it an attraction for its own sake, or a genuine appreciation
of a sexual difference?

does this attraction to the socially taboo regularly hinder your day to
day life and/or lifegoals?  let me narrow it down a little here...

what is it that attracts you to transsexuality? its social implications?
the exotic experience of changing sex?  how long has this been going on
for you, and when did
it become something you had to "deal with"?

is it at all possible that your attraction to transsexuals could be a
repressed desire to re-define your own gendered reality?

in plain english:  what's in this for YOU?  what does this desire say
about *your* sexuality?  your life?

and how far have you bought into the idea that tranny-chasing is
something perverted to be kept hidden, something "kinky'?

I live now, however, in San Diego with my fiance, who does not know
about this part of me...I'm attempting to sort out whether I get these
sexual needs met on the side or continue to try to rid myself or these
desires and live a totally monogamous and heterosexual life.

i'm sure you're aware that getting married is NOT  the way to go about
purging yourself of *anything* you haven't already dealt with, much less
a deep-rooted sexual attraction..

is it fair to your fiance, or to YOU, that you keep sitting on this
powder keg?

none of this is to say you shouldn't marry your fiance.  only you can
decide that for yourself.  however, doing so without being honest with
yourself, without introspecting as to what you plan to do about these
feelings, is cruel, selfish, and irresponsible at *best*.

you'll forgive me if i seem a bit harsh.  indeed, i am rather judgmental
of people who run from themselves, although i have no right to be.

my philosophy is this:  no matter what, YOU will always have to live with
YOU.  what the hell else is there to do in this life but GET TO KNOW the
ONE person who will always be in your life?  YOU!!!    :-)

now, as far as ridding yourself of feelings...  that simply *doesn't*
happen.  feelings can only *change*.  they cannot disappear.  and the
only way feelings can change for the better is by sorting them out... in
my humble opinion!  ;-)

don't ignore.  ask!  don't run and hide!  just stop, and look!  believe
me,  whatever  *you* have to deal with in terms of personal change,
self-evaluation, and maturity regarding your attraction to TS girls is
nothing compared to the Herculean task of BEING a TS girl!  at least  in
*this* society!

so, what's up doc?

Hello Jennifer,

I thought I'd let you know what happened last weekend when I talked with
my friend.

We went walking, and I led the conversation around to T issues.  He was
aware of the brain/hormone connection, but thought that being
transsexual was the lesser version of homosexuality - the usual
pretending to be a woman to hide from being gay.

Well, I explained, told him what I had figured out about the stress in
my mother's life, what had happened to me, then looked him in the eyes
and told him that I was transsexual, that I really was a Girl.  His
reaction was to throw his arms around me and give me a long hug!

My instincts about trusting him were correct, AND returned.  He told me
that he was bi-sexual, and that if anything ever happened to his wife,
he would probably live with a man.  This was something I had NOT
suspected, ever.  But it was the perfect disclosure for our both
beinging open and honest.  So we spent a few happy hours, talking about
our conditions to someone else for the first time, and totally accepting
each other.  It was a free-ing experience.

It was a very good feeling, and very much a validation too.  Although he
and I share a kind of passive sexuality, I am perfectly willing to give
up my male role and male parts too, and he is not.  Our conversation was
the perfect contrast between my being a Bi-Girl and him being a bi guy.
Although I accept and support him, I could see that I was nothing like
him despite our shared sexuality.  He is a guy, and I am not.  I knew
the difference coming into this from your site and others, but having it
brought home so clearly has strengthed my resolve and acceptance of
myself.